So this post is something hard to share. But I need to share.
I have felt NOTHING but anger for over a year and a half.
Anger.....
Anger at God...
Anger at God for taking my mom away from me when I still should have had many more memories to make with her.
My anger at God has not allowed me to enjoy any of the amazing things in my life.
My anger at God has not allowed me to have a relationship with him.
My anger at God has killed my joyful spirit.
My anger at God has brought a heavy depression in my life that for many many months I have not been able to shake.
My anger at God nearly ended my own life.
My anger at God has made me a bitter and mean person.
Today..........
I am letting go of that anger.
Watching church this morning, I had a revelation. Pastor Mark McClelland made a comment that changed my vision.
His wife is battling breast cancer and he made the comment that "God makes no mistakes. His hand is over this."
My mom passing away so suddenly, was not a mistake. God had/has a plan in this. He didn't take my mom away as a punishment. He didn't take her away to make myself and my family miserable.
I don't see God's plan in this. But I do realize, that this was no mistake and I have no reason to be angry. Instead, I should rejoice that God is holding my hand and holding my heart and someday, I WILL see her again.
Letting go of that anger is like a huge weight has been lifted off of my body and my life. Maybe now, I can move on. He is the Great Healer and I trust that He can heal my heart and my pain.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
SPCA
I have a bit of a fun addiction of going to the SPCA and playing with the cats and dogs. I want nothing more than to adopt every single one of them.
I think my ultimate goal in life is to work with animals. Hopefully I can do that someday!!!
Monday, August 26, 2013
Crazy Busy Week
This week was one of those weeks where I was too busy to truly enjoy anything.
I've been working on a project at work. We are starting this program called a "pick-list" which in merchandise basically means its a computerized stock program. Instead of making your own stock list, a computer generates one for you based on that location's sales.
Well, my job lately has been preparing our stockrooms for this change. This requires building the shelving and moving everything into a true SKU order. Boring, I know. And keeps me super busy.
So I have been putting in a lot of hours at work due to this project. I have a couple of days left of it.
However, today is my day off and I am going to kick back, relax and truly enjoy it.
In other news: I have a new addiction. ETSY. I have been buying things like crazy on there. Some for me (for my wedding) but most of it, gifts for other people.
I also opened an ETSY store for my crochet projects. :) My store name is hippycrochet. Go check it out! (SHAMELESS PLUG!)
I've been working on a project at work. We are starting this program called a "pick-list" which in merchandise basically means its a computerized stock program. Instead of making your own stock list, a computer generates one for you based on that location's sales.
Well, my job lately has been preparing our stockrooms for this change. This requires building the shelving and moving everything into a true SKU order. Boring, I know. And keeps me super busy.
So I have been putting in a lot of hours at work due to this project. I have a couple of days left of it.
However, today is my day off and I am going to kick back, relax and truly enjoy it.
In other news: I have a new addiction. ETSY. I have been buying things like crazy on there. Some for me (for my wedding) but most of it, gifts for other people.
I also opened an ETSY store for my crochet projects. :) My store name is hippycrochet. Go check it out! (SHAMELESS PLUG!)
Friday, August 16, 2013
Migraines Galore
I have been struggling with migraines most of my life but the last 8 months or so, they have truly gotten worse.
The last week has been the worst one yet. I actually had to leave work early today because my migraine was making me nauseous and I could barely even see straight.
I have been to specialists and nobody has an answer for me.
I just wish this would all go away sometime soon. :(
Monday, August 5, 2013
3rd Wedding Venue Review: Paradise Cove
The third wedding venue we went to visit and tour was Paradise Cove. It is on 535 and it is right on Little Lake Bryan.
And we are proud to announce that we will be getting married here!! We put our deposit down and we have an official wedding date of March 15, 2015!
This place was beautiful and just so much fun! There were so many fun aspects of the location and we are so excited for it!
The pricing was great, they allow pets, and we can have more guests than originally planned!
I only took one photo because I want the rest of it to be a surprise for our guests! :)
And we are proud to announce that we will be getting married here!! We put our deposit down and we have an official wedding date of March 15, 2015!
This place was beautiful and just so much fun! There were so many fun aspects of the location and we are so excited for it!
The pricing was great, they allow pets, and we can have more guests than originally planned!
I only took one photo because I want the rest of it to be a surprise for our guests! :)
2nd wedding venue review: Bok Tower Gardens
So the second wedding venue location we went to see was Bok Tower Gardens in Lake Mary, Florida.
LOVED this venue. It was GORGEOUS! The architecture was phenomenal and the gardens were so pretty. Rita (the wedding coordinator) showed us picture of what it looks like in springtime which is when we are getting married and it had so many flowers!
The pictures really speak for themselves for this one. They were not pet friendly which made me sad. It was also a little pricier than what we were going for.
LOVED this venue. It was GORGEOUS! The architecture was phenomenal and the gardens were so pretty. Rita (the wedding coordinator) showed us picture of what it looks like in springtime which is when we are getting married and it had so many flowers!
The pictures really speak for themselves for this one. They were not pet friendly which made me sad. It was also a little pricier than what we were going for.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Harmony Golf Club Venue Review
We did our first wedding venue tour on 6/14/2013. We went to this little golf preserve called Harmony.
Harmony is actually a little town about an hour outside of Orlando. It is stunningly beautiful. There are horse stables and amazing HUGE houses and it is a new community so everything was pristene and lovely.
I loved the venue. There were HUNDREDS of places to take pictures there. There were also many different options of places to get married on the property. If we do not choose this for a wedding venue, we may still choose it for engagement photos. Both Jason and I truly loved it.
I think one of my favorite things about the venue is that the "day of" wedding coordinator is included and she was a sweet lady. She was around our age and recently married so she knew what we were going through and she also seems to have a great eye for the vintage/rustic type look that we are going for.
They also allow dogs to be in the ceremony which we are playing with the idea of having our puppy (that we don't yet have) be our "ring bearer."
It was a great wedding venue tour and the coordinator has been in constant contact with us answering our questions! :)
Harmony is actually a little town about an hour outside of Orlando. It is stunningly beautiful. There are horse stables and amazing HUGE houses and it is a new community so everything was pristene and lovely.
I loved the venue. There were HUNDREDS of places to take pictures there. There were also many different options of places to get married on the property. If we do not choose this for a wedding venue, we may still choose it for engagement photos. Both Jason and I truly loved it.
I think one of my favorite things about the venue is that the "day of" wedding coordinator is included and she was a sweet lady. She was around our age and recently married so she knew what we were going through and she also seems to have a great eye for the vintage/rustic type look that we are going for.
They also allow dogs to be in the ceremony which we are playing with the idea of having our puppy (that we don't yet have) be our "ring bearer."
It was a great wedding venue tour and the coordinator has been in constant contact with us answering our questions! :)
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
I'm terrible at these things....
This is going to be a bit of a short post. Just want to post real fast because I know I have not blogged since my first post on here.
I am terrible at keeping up with things like this. Life gets in the way and right now...life is CRAZY. I have so much going on.
I promise to very soon have a blog that explains a little of what's going on in my life! I will elude to it and say...there is some pretty exciting news involved in it! :)
I am terrible at keeping up with things like this. Life gets in the way and right now...life is CRAZY. I have so much going on.
I promise to very soon have a blog that explains a little of what's going on in my life! I will elude to it and say...there is some pretty exciting news involved in it! :)
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Here it goes...
I've been wanting to start a blog for awhile. My friends Amber and Angelique have beautifully written blogs. I write all the time anyways, but a lot of what I write, I don't like to share. Not even the people closest to me have read some of my innermost thoughts. I am going to work on being more of a "sharer". I can't promise anything though. Nor can I promise to post often, but again, I will try!
It has taken me nearly a year to grow the courage to share this.
When my mom passed away, my entire world crumbled. I lost my mom, my best confidant, my biggest supporter and one of the reasons I am alive today. She will never see me get married, meet the man that has truly made my world a better place, meet her future grandchildren, see my brother graduate college, and see both of us live out our dreams. I can never text her randomly, hear her say "I love you bug", or watch her wave goodbye to me from the driveway as I leave.
I still remember every second, every word said, and everything I felt that night. My dad called me (which he never does so I knew something was wrong) to tell me that my mom was in the hospital. Him and my mom had gone out to eat at Golden Corral (which I can't bring myself to eat at to this day). On their way home, my mom was driving and complained that she wasn't feeling good. She had to throw up. As she was throwing up, she started having chest pains. After she finally felt a little better, she got in car and my dad drove this time. He looked over a her a few minutes later and she was unconscious. He pulled over and called 911 and began to perform CPR on her. She went to the hospital and died around 2-3 hours later of a heart attack. Later, we learned that she suffered with COPD. It slowly and silently attacked her. My mom was 42 years old when she passed away.
Jason and I were driving down to South Florida in a hurry when my dad called and told us to pull over. That's when he told me my mom passed away.
My heart shattered. My faith completely disappeared. Anger at God STILL continues to destroy any happiness that I even begin to feel. And nearly a year later from that horrifying night, I am still haunted.
It has taken me nearly a year to grow the courage to share this.
When my mom passed away, my entire world crumbled. I lost my mom, my best confidant, my biggest supporter and one of the reasons I am alive today. She will never see me get married, meet the man that has truly made my world a better place, meet her future grandchildren, see my brother graduate college, and see both of us live out our dreams. I can never text her randomly, hear her say "I love you bug", or watch her wave goodbye to me from the driveway as I leave.
I still remember every second, every word said, and everything I felt that night. My dad called me (which he never does so I knew something was wrong) to tell me that my mom was in the hospital. Him and my mom had gone out to eat at Golden Corral (which I can't bring myself to eat at to this day). On their way home, my mom was driving and complained that she wasn't feeling good. She had to throw up. As she was throwing up, she started having chest pains. After she finally felt a little better, she got in car and my dad drove this time. He looked over a her a few minutes later and she was unconscious. He pulled over and called 911 and began to perform CPR on her. She went to the hospital and died around 2-3 hours later of a heart attack. Later, we learned that she suffered with COPD. It slowly and silently attacked her. My mom was 42 years old when she passed away.
Jason and I were driving down to South Florida in a hurry when my dad called and told us to pull over. That's when he told me my mom passed away.
My heart shattered. My faith completely disappeared. Anger at God STILL continues to destroy any happiness that I even begin to feel. And nearly a year later from that horrifying night, I am still haunted.
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