So this post is something hard to share. But I need to share.
I have felt NOTHING but anger for over a year and a half.
Anger.....
Anger at God...
Anger at God for taking my mom away from me when I still should have had many more memories to make with her.
My anger at God has not allowed me to enjoy any of the amazing things in my life.
My anger at God has not allowed me to have a relationship with him.
My anger at God has killed my joyful spirit.
My anger at God has brought a heavy depression in my life that for many many months I have not been able to shake.
My anger at God nearly ended my own life.
My anger at God has made me a bitter and mean person.
Today..........
I am letting go of that anger.
Watching church this morning, I had a revelation. Pastor Mark McClelland made a comment that changed my vision.
His wife is battling breast cancer and he made the comment that "God makes no mistakes. His hand is over this."
My mom passing away so suddenly, was not a mistake. God had/has a plan in this. He didn't take my mom away as a punishment. He didn't take her away to make myself and my family miserable.
I don't see God's plan in this. But I do realize, that this was no mistake and I have no reason to be angry. Instead, I should rejoice that God is holding my hand and holding my heart and someday, I WILL see her again.
Letting go of that anger is like a huge weight has been lifted off of my body and my life. Maybe now, I can move on. He is the Great Healer and I trust that He can heal my heart and my pain.
